Zach is running a fever today. He didn’t go to work and slept most of the day. I tiptoed around the room with the lights off and made sure he was comfortable during the day by checking up on him from time to time. I was on my own for the day. Now I tell you this not to boost my ego by explaining how great I am, it’s not that at all. This was the first day since reaching India that I was truly going through the day as an individual, not as the brothers Gilbert.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being here with my brother but walking the streets by myself while heading to the post office to buy train tickets for February I began to look around and be more aware of my surroundings. For instance, instead of constantly talking while I was walking I was looking around and seeing the bustle of the day. I was moving quicker through the crowds of people and cows and motorcycles and cars. In a way it was a sense of independence that I was experiencing. I stopped and bought a soda without seeing if anyone else wanted to stop. In a way it scared me. I think that Zach will agree with me when I say that there is a sense of security when we are both together in the streets and with that gone, there was a slight twinge of fear at being in the street by myself.
It gave me time to think and pray as I walked on to the post office. I began thinking about how amazing it was that I was walking these Indian streets with no fear of being run over by a truck. That was not the case for the first week or two; in fact the first few times walking around town were downright terrifying! Now I was comfortable with the noise, the filth, and even the stares from the shop owners even though they have seen us walking the same roads for months. I praised God for the opportunity to be here. I prayed for the struggles we face while being here and the pressures that were weighing down upon me personally. The list was long, and I needed the whole walk to the post office to get through it. It’s funny how when you say the things that are on your mind out loud in prayer how much more meaning they have. Praying silently is one thing but audibly talking to God is a whole other way of praying.
God certainly has a sense of humor because as I was rounding the last corner before hitting the straight stretch to the hospital I walked by two cows. Now normally cows just stand there and chew their cud and ignore you but this time was different. I didn’t realize one cow was a female and one a male but all of a sudden the male tried to mount the female as I was passing. I literally had to jump out the way as the female tried to buck the male off! I ran away laughing out loud before thanking God for the excitement in an otherwise normal walk. It was something I won’t easily forget!
The day went on without any other excitement. I made it a point to use this day by myself to think about why I was here in India. I went to the roof after the sun set to relax in the coolness of the evening and finish my chat with God. At times it is easy to lose sight of the reasons one comes as an SM, but as the evening on the roof continued I began the process of searching for it. I believe I found it.
As a human, our natural tendency is to take our own path. Some of us are more prone to this than others but I think everyone struggles with trusting God’s will to work in our lives. I know I have and still do and as I prayed, I began to see the value of completely trusting my path to God. I came to India to be used by God, not to build up myself. I needed to be a mirror that reflects God to those around me. I needed to stop focusing on the bad here and embrace the good, amazing, and incredible things that India and its people can be and are 99% of the time. I had forgotten that, but this evening gave me the alone time to think and pray and review my role here in India.
Mission service is not always glamorous, fun, or even enjoyable when one looks at the actual physical experience, but mix in God and his plan and all of a sudden the lens is brought back into focus and for a minute it is easy to see a picture of why things are the way they are. God is good and I pray to be a mirror and to never forget the picture that is bigger than myself.
And so, while Zach having a fever is never something I would have wished on him (he’s feeling much better now), I am thankful that he did have one for just one day because it forced me to be alone and think. It provided the opportunity to refocus, think, and pray and that was exactly what I needed to do. So thank you Zach for being sick although I’m sorry you were and thank you to God, who has a plan when even when I don’t see it.
Blessings
-J
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